Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
