once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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