i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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