Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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