if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
