Dual....:-)
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
