Only a mothe r could love this liver
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
