I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
