Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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