dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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