Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
