My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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