4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
