By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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