Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
