You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize
