Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
