i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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