So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
