I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
