bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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