sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
