Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
