One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
