tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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