im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
