The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
