So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
