we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
