is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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