There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
