never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
