shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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