the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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