Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
