I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
