yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize