would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
