so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
