under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's official drugs can't kill me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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