He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
