I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
