i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
operation have a gay friend backfired
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I am naked and annoyed.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
