she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
