I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
