youre lurking in front of me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
