Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
