You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
