Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
