Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
