Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
