Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize