just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
