we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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