Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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