how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
