chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
