and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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