This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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