so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
