is your mom at the bar?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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