That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
