By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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