K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
