we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
