Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
