i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
