HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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