i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
